Today, Wednesday, August 17th, is the first day of my fourth week here.
It's weird.. (Not necessarily good weird or bad weird; just indifferently weird). Because I'm working where I used to spend my time studying. I'm seeing a whole different place than the one I'm used to.
And, I know it's a bit early for me to actually judge working here, but I'm gonna do it anyway.
So.. Before the judging, we need facts.
And here are the facts:
The working days are 6 days a week. (Which means I have only one day off. And mine is on Tuesday). (Side fact: I dislike weekends and that makes it a bonus).
Working hours are 8 hours a day + half an hour break.
Location: Dhahran Recreation Library. (A place that I adore and am comfortable in). (Plus.. BOOKS! - another bonus).
Shifts! (I dislike routines; I like change) When I started working here; for the first two weeks, my schedule was from 7:00 AM till 3:30 PM. And on the third week my schedule changed to a mid-shift; which means, my schedule now is from 11:00 AM till 7:30 PM. (This change will be for this month only; to evaluate which one of those two schedules suits me better).
Before I get into the story of this job, I'm gonna talk about something..
I’ve always thought that life is about setting goals and reaching them; that life is all about having a vision of who and what a person wants to be. So many people say the exact opposite; they say that life is living the moment. Be a clean canvas. Explore yourself and the world around you as you go. But, I’ve never knew what they meant until now. And it’s not that I necessarily think differently now, it’s just that I’ve been thinking lately.. Because I’m worried about not reaching those goals. And because how, not having goals, could actually give me a lot more freedom in working and exploring more things in life.
I never intended on having a goal from the beginning. I started having goals as I went through college and through volunteering and.. Through life. Step by step, I began the journey of setting my goals and learning what ways that could help me reach them.
And, right now, I’m barely even close to reaching them. They are still far away. But, I learned how important they are to me. And I’m clinging to them with all I have.
I won’t talk about those goals, because I would like to achieve them first.
Here’s a funny fact: during the final course of college, as much as I was happy and excited about graduating, I was actually as equally worried about the few months after graduation and what I’m going to do with them. (Or, more accurately, with myself).
Now, for the story of how I got this job:
It was in the middle of Ramadan and my brother Khalid told me that he put my name as the volunteer responsible for video shooting an event. So, I went with him that day dragging my post-graduation depression with me.
In that event I saw Mrs. Ghadeer, the person who arranges most of the volunteering events I go to, and when she found out that I graduated, she suggested that I come work in the library until I find a better option or find what I’m looking for. And that was actually the best suggestion ever.. Because, not that many people actually get the opportunity to work/get and experience right after graduating. And for me it was twice as good of an offer because I’ve been volunteering there for years, and I know most of the staff there.
So, I sent my C.V. and got an interview and a few days after that I got the job offer and I signed it. (The fact that I'm a regular volunteer with them helped).
And after that, I started working on Wednesday, the 27th of July.
And I started seeing the other side of the coin.
I got to know the long, long procedure of the Library. Starting from how and when to order books to the point of shelving them. (And, of course, the long and a little complicated procedure, in between).
Something fun to do in this job: teaching volunteers how to do the shelving and shelf-reading using the Dewey Decimal Classification System.
But most importantly, I’ve learned a number of important lessons in those few weeks:
I learned that, no matter what and where you are, the beginnings are always the hardest. Especially when dealing with the unknown or dealing with something you are not used to.
Never forget that there are two sides to a coin. Never forget that. Because there will come a day when you’ll be completely surprised about the other side; whether it’s a good one or a bad one.
Because of learning new things every day, and because I’m not working in a specific area, or in an area in my major, I started learning my strengths and weaknesses on those new areas at work.
I've worked in a number of positions in those past few weeks; I worked at the circulation desk, the children's section, the media section, entering data of new books, learned how to catalog.. So many different areas. Which could be a bit of a routine sometimes, but still somethings to do and somethings to learn.
* * *
I also learned one very, very important fact about myself:
After I finished the interview and accepted the job offer, I got another job offer. A hundred percent better job offer. And I went for an interview and I did so well they offered me the job at the interview. And at that point I started weighing the possibilities and who I want to be and which one of those two roads I am willing to spend that period of my life traveling. Which one of those two has more of me.
I learned an important lesson of the person I am. Or I am becoming.
I am now slowly realizing that it is more than okay not to achieve your goals immediately after graduating. It is completely fine to go through hard times and think that your goals will not be achieved, as long as you get back on track stronger than before. And with a mind set stronger to achieve those goals.
So, I am giving myself the permission to enjoy where I am right now while trying to reach my goals.
I am teaching myself to enjoy the ride. Because, after all, nobody starts from the top.
Everybody’s gotta start somewhere to reach that top.
It's been a few months already! (half a year. Wow).
I am currently studying for my last final exams in my academic life, in sha'Allah. (9 days left for my last day in college!)
I took an A in my senior project. Which a really good grade. Really good. (I wanted an A+, but Allah knows better. So thanks be to Allah. However the situation was).
I have a small notebook that I'm keeping to write down the things that I want to do once I graduate; soooo many things are on pause for college. So many thoughts and ideas waiting to be implemented.
For example, I want to paint the walls of my room. (I as in "I, myself". Not a painter), and I want to do the 'Media Detox Challenge', I want to volunteer, I want to make videos, I want to gather up with my friends.. And so many other things.
Here's the thing, I don't know if it's because I'm studying for the finals and I'm feeling a bit pressured or what exactly, but I'm feeling a bit too much right now and it's making me feel so.. volatile. It's nerve wrecking. Honestly, honestly nervewrecking.
Then I thought: why not write? I'm very good at expressing my feeling through writing. And I'm sure it's going to help. And then... I remembered: MY DIARY!
Here are the facts about my feelings right now:
I'm currently studying for the final exams: regular pressure. I think.
I don't know what exactly is going to happen after I graduate because my GPA doesn't meet most standards to the things that I want: having goals that I'm afraid I won't be able to reach.
I'm always replaying what happened after I graduated high-school and stayed at home for one year and half: fear of wasting my time. Again.
I literally crave independence so much that I feel my heart is going to burst every time I'm reminded that I'm not and I can't ever be. Really. And that is real, actual torment for me.
And that fourth one is what's weighing down on my heart...
Caring about what the people closest to me think about me and
wanting to live my life and be independent at the same time is beyond
aggravating. I feel so torn sometimes that it gives me a headache. It’s a
constant torment. A constant anxiety. I'm so sick of constantly thinking of what I did wrong or what I'm doing wrong because of how it's a constant, verbal and nonverbal, disapproval.
I just want to go off on my own for a little while and simply be. I always feel like I want to try and get a taste of that feeling. Some would ask of why I would try it and enjoy it when it's not permanent, why go into something that you can't always have? And the answer would always be this: tasting that real, free of restrictions feeling is a thousand times more satisfying than not tasting it is bothering me.
I don't know.. Is it just my personalty that hates restrictions so much that even the slightest most insignificant acts of restriction makes me go into rage? Or is it that I'm actually letting myself be restricted? Yeah.. Maybe that is what's really bothering me.
Maybe what's really bothering me is that all this matter is between my own two hands and I'm the one letting it happen and that is making me feel weak. And nobody in this world likes being in a position where they feel weak.
I
guess all I really need is to train myself about dealing with those
situations. Because, after all, the only person that I can change in
this entire world is me and only me.
It is true what they say: whatever it is you're feeling, you are feeling. Not the people around you. Not the person that allegedly made you feel that way. It is you and only you. When you get angry at something, it's because of you. When you are happy about something, it is also because of you. Those feelings are yours after all, aren't they?
So, here's to the time that I learn more about life,
And to the time that I learn more about myself,
And to the time that I start owning my own feelings.
I'm just hoping that I could reread this one day as a mature woman and think the same things I thought about the sixteen-year-old me; "Wow, look how much I've changed!"
The thing is.. I know that in life we are always a work in progress.
Some people think it but never say it,
Some people don't think about it at all,
Some people don't believe in that–they just think the personality of someone is one and the same and it never changes; the person only gets older,
Some people actually laugh at the mere mention of it,
And many, many, many other types that have their own perspective about this subject.
But, for me? I think it, I believe in it, and I say it. All the time. And this alone makes it a thousand times better.
I saw a video a few days ago about happiness; this guy had 5 steps to happiness and they were the following:
Own your own happiness.
Challenge your own story. ("You wrote the script, change the story!")
Enjoy the journey.
Make relationships count.
Balance work with play.
This is the video and it is honestly one of the best motivating videos ever:
أمس، أكتوبر ٦، يوم الثلاثاء، كان حفل
المستجدات بتنظيم فريق عمل مكتب الأنشطة الطلابية في كلية الدراسات
التطبيقية وخدمة المجتمع - جامعة الدمام.
قبل شهر تقريباً إحدى
صديقاتي رشحتني لمكتب الأنشطة الطلابية لعمل فيديو لحفل المستجدات في
الكلية. لم أكن أعرف بوجود الحفل من قبل، ومجرد ترشيح أحد لي كان شعور جميل
جداً.
الإستاذات المسؤولات عن مكتب الأنشطة–إستاذة جميلة وإستاذة
مشاعل–إطّلعوا على أحد فيديوهاتي السابقة؛ [فيديو الإختبارات النهائية]، و
أعجبتهم فكرة وجود فيديو قريب منه في الحفل، ليعطي دفعة من التفاؤل
للطالبات المستجدات، و يكون فقرة من فقرات الحفل.
بعدها، قمت بالتسجيل مع مكتب الأنشطة وأصبحت ضمن فريقهم.
إتفقنا على الشروط، والتي كانت كالتالي:
١. أن لا يحتوي الفيديو على الموسيقى.
٢. أن يكون الفيديو باللغة العربية فقط.
٣. أن لا يزيد عن ٣ دقائق.
وهذا بالفعل ما حصل.
إنتهيت من عمل الفيديو وقمت بتسليمه، وليس لدي أدنى فكرة عن متى وكيف سيتم عرضه في الحفل.
في
وقت الحفل، كنت إحدى طالبات الأنشطة، وفي نهاية الحفل، قامت المتحدثة،
بإلقائها الرائع، بقول أنه سيتم عرض فيديو من مشاركة الطالبة لولوه الصحن
للحظاتها الجميلة في العام الدراسي في الكلية!
بالنسبة لي، إعتدت
على تحميل فيديو في اليوتيوب ومشاركته مع الأهل والأصدقاء والإحساس
بتشجيعهم لي، ولله الحمد،، لكنِّي لم أعتد على رؤية فيديو من عملي في حضور
هذا العدد الكبير من الأشخاص. والأجمل من ذلك، أنه عندما إنتهى عرض الفيديو
قام الحضور بالتصفيق والتشجيع! شعور رائع.
في نهاية الحفل وبعد
الختام، قامت أحد الأستاذات الحاضرات بإقتراحها علي المشاركة في المؤتمر
العلمي (!!!) وهذا كان آخر شيء أتوقعه فيما يخص مشاركتي في الحفل..
في نهاية هذا الحفل شعرت فعلاً بالرضا الذاتي لإنجازي ما أنجزته، ولرؤية ردود أفعال من حولي؛ من صديقاتي ومن الأستاذات والحضور.
كان سيكون إسم الفيديو "روتين ممتع"، لكن الروتين ممل. والجامعة، صحيح أنها متعبة جداً، لكنها ممتعة.
تسعدني فكرة أن أنظر للوراء في المستقبل، وأرى بصمة مثل هذه. بصمة لحظاتي الجميلة.
الحمدلله حمداً كثيراً على جميع النِعَم، ما ظهر منها وما بطن. ❤️
فيديو حفل المستجدات؛ فيديو اللحظات الجميلة؛ فيديو خطة عامي الدراسي الجديد:
For the past three months I've been through so many new and beautiful experiences that I wanted to blog about as soon as I've been through each and every one. This is supposed to be a diary.. You know, a day by day or an event by an event thing? But, unfortunately for me, there's this thing called procrastination. And what's even more unfortunate is that I give in to it. (Something new to add to my goals: STOP PROCRASTINATING!)
So, because the longer it takes, the less that I want to work on it, I'm gonna tell you the most important events that happened since March!
* * *
One:
At the end of March, my family and I had an amazingly beautiful trip.
We headed to Frankfurt, Germany, then to Paris, France, after that.
I didn't even think it could be this beautiful of a trip. I honestly didn't.
But I'm not going to talk about it here and now; talking about it needs a separate blog post. And I have yet the videos of the trip to make and upload on YouTube.
So, until then,
* * *
Two: (April 23rd, 24th)
Aramco's Library Week Event of 2015!
I was the photographer volunteer of the event, so, naturally, I made a video. [And took photos, too.]
It was such a good thing to do before the final exams.
The two days that I worked as a volunteer with them were at the King's park in Aramco. And the first day was in the outdoors, but the second day was inside the library because of the suddenly windy weather.
The writer, Sadeem Al-Nahdi
There were writers in the event. Different kinds of writers, and what's really special about the writers thing is that there was a children's book, a very educating one, and the writer is nineyearsold! Wow. Ma sha'Allah..
Her parents made her right the lesson that she learned from something that she did. The name of the books is "لن أفشي سراً بعد اليوم", which means "I will not reveal a secret after this day".
It is a very beautiful children's book!
I hope one day I'd be able to teach my own children to write from a young age. ❤️
Since it's the "Library Week Event", there has to be books in there, right? Right.
There were so many books to buy there..
I bought three books; two by Dr. Saud Al-Shaalan and one by Ms. Hitaf Al-Ammar. (All three books were signed by the authors to me. And it makes me so happy!)
Plus, Dr. Saud is a graphologist, SOOO, I had my handwriting analysed :D
* Graphology is the study of handwriting especially for the purpose of character analysis.
The dinner at the end of the event with
the entire crew, the writers, and the volunteers.
It's been such a wonderful time, and a wonderful experience. Especially getting the time to talk to those writers and getting into discussions with them.
That day, I realised something.. All I really need to have fun is a good friend, accomplishments and myself.
* * *
Three: (April 30th)
MIS3!!!
MANAGEMENT INFORMATION SYSTEM'S
THIRD GATHERING!
The purpose of this gathering is two main things:
1. Enlighten those who want to get to know the Management Information System's major a bit more.
2. Give the opportunity to MIS students to share their graduation project ideas and other MIS students to share different projects and topics related to the major.
Organization Committee - The Day Before MIS3
Of course, in order for this forum to be a successful one, all the teaching faculty of MIS put their hands together and made different committees to organize the gathering and make it as best as it could be.
I registered in the Informative Committee. (The one responsible of the photography of the gathering, posting and updating the information on the social media of the event.. and so on.)
There was a good number of some talented girls with me in the committee, Ma sha'Allah.
I will always remember the teaching faculty of our major.. Those instructors are few of the most amazing people that I have met.. Mr. Osama Badawi, Mrs. Noor Al-Arji, Ms. Asyah Al-Kaabi, Ms. Rana Al-Zumaie.. They are wonderful instructors and wonderful people. I will always be thankful to have had the chance of meeting them.
Ms. Asyah Al-Kaabi, who was the supervisor of the committee, is such an amazing person that have been helping us, listening to what we have to say and guiding our way through everything! (plus, I appreciate her genuine patience with all of us).
HACKERS AND APPLE WATCH (just because)
My three friends, Nourah, Najla'a, Rnyah, and I participated in the exhibition of MIS3. This exhibition has only a few ideas and enlightening subjects concerning our major to share with whoever wants to listen. (There were high-school students, students from different colleges, and visitors who just wanted to attend the gathering).
Okay, here's the thing, there's no grades for this thing we participated in. So, it was honestly just something to experience. (And have fun in the process).
We wanted more than one subject, we were four girls, two of us wanted the Apple Watch and the other two wanted to talk about the Hackers. (*whispers* I wanted the Hackers idea). Anyway, when we asked for permission to talk about them both.. WE GOT IT! *yaaaaaaayyy*
The best thing about it, is that all four of us wanted to do it for the mere experience of it, so it was a fun process and we worked together to make it easy on the eye and attractive. (Thank you, Rnyah!) *Rnyah is very talented in decorating stuff..
Nourah and I were responsible of the Hackers subject, and Rnyah and Najla'a were responsible of the Apple Watch.
I won't bore you with the long, long details. So, here's a very cool collection of short videos that I gathered in one video to project on the screen.. COOL HACKERS!!! (but a bit of a criminals) (enjoy it anyway, it's cool)
Since we cannot be taught by male instructors directly in our college, it was hard for me to comprehend talking to our instructors directly when I first heard that our major's male instructors were coming to talk to us about what we were presenting, and it was the first time ever that this happened in our college.
So when the time came, at 4 p.m., all our instructors and the dean of the college came and talked to us. (WE WERE THE FIRST CORNER TO TALK TO [!!!])
I didn't know what I was supposed to say, so I stuttered a little bit, but it worked out just FINE. And I enjoyed the fact that I wasn't horrible :D
At the end of the day we all got our Appreciation certificates.
Everyone who participated in the exhibition and/or the committee got one.
And, since I participated in both, I got TWO Certificates of Appreciation!!!
To be honest, to be completely honest, I have never in my life thought that I could participate in anything.. Do anything worth mentioning. But, that day, though I didn't sleep nor eat that day, I went back home full of adrenaline.. Completely happy and proud of myself.
That day was so important to me, because I finally disentangled this knot in my mind about my imaginary inability to.. Be.
* * *
Four: (June 5th)
My.. Hair..
So, what about my hair?
June 5th was thefirsttimeinmyentirelife that I cut my hair.
Now, because I wear hijab, I unfortunately cannot describe how I cut it and what's the length of it.
But, I can say this:
The day I cut my hair, is, for me, one of the most HUGE steps that I took in my entire life.
Because cutting my hair, I realized, wasn't just physical. It is mental. As soon as I cut my hair, I felt free.. of sorts..
Nobody even can know how many people have told me NOT to do it. The closest people to my heart actually tell me not to cut it all the time that I started feeling that maybe they would actually hate me if I did it.
But you know, I did it. I did it because I wanted to. Not because I hated my hair before. Not because I wanted to be stubborn. Not because of anything but the mere need to do it.
You know how people go on trips around the world or just simply go out of their ways to try and find themselves? Well, that is exactly what I did when I cut my hair. I found the capability of exploring myself further.
And I honestly, honestly, HONESTLY, thought it would look absolutely HIDEOUS when I cut it. And, even then, I wanted to cut it just as bad. But, you know, it's not even close to being bad.. It actually suits me better.
What I felt after cutting it was true freedom. It literally feels like I'm whole different person, even if it was just physically. When I look in the mirror, I feel like "Yeah.. this is me. Maybe I am on the right track to find myself after all.."
If somebody asks me, what is the best decision that I made, I am, truthfully, going to say that it is cutting my hair. (Until a better decision changes that).
My lesson to myself:
DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, BECAUSE YOU WILL ALWAYS KNOW YOURSELF BETTER THAN ANYBODY EVER COULD.
* * *
Five: (June 7th)
FIELD TRAINING!
(AKA A Productive Summer!)
I received a question 10 days ago asking about the field training, but since I already wanted to make a blog post about it, I thought I would answer it with the blog post instead of writing the answer twice..
But before I answer the question I'm going to give general information about it:
Name: AimHigh (for Organizing Exhibitions)
Purpose of the company: literally organizing exhibitions :p
At first I wanted to take the summer training in the Computer Science college, but, subhan-Allah, that did not happen for some reason and I got accepted with AimHigh. (And I'm the only trainee there).
Though exhibitions are not my thing, organizing stuff is.
So, here I am, half way through the third week of the field training.
1st: How is/was it?
It's actually pretty cool, the company is a new one so there is a very small number of employees. Which leads to having a lot of things to do there.
And having a lot of things to do is the best thing you could wish for when your goal for summer is to busy yourself!
–
2nd: Advantages?
Field Training/Modeling Done Right
I modeled for them, for one. Haha! It was once.. But, wallah.. It's cool!
And the second is, since I love organizing stuff and not attending the exhibitions, it's an advantage for me to see all these 'behind the scenes' and be able to be a part of the organizing team.
One day before the actual exhibition
The third, and most important advantage for me is this: MAKING VIDEOS!!!
They absolutely loved the idea of video making, and I've made over 5 videos for them so far.
(This is a video of the entire last exhibition. I posted it on their channel on YouTube, but they still haven't shared it in the social media).
–
3rd: Disadvantages?
Of course there are disadvantages in everything, so, the disadvantage in the field training for me is that the regular working hours are from 9 a.m. - 5 p.m., so it feels like it's in the middle of the day and there's not time do anything in the week days, because I leave home at 8:30 a.m. and get back home at 5:30 p.m. and that's it, the day is over. (Ramadan working hours are from 9 a.m. - 3 p.m. Which is better).
Another disadvantage for me is that I have so many things to do for the company, but I don't have the authority to do them. So I have to have my supervisor close to me at all times.
Other than that, I'm absolutely thankful for it and for the ability to do something with my time. Because there is nothing that drives me crazy and gets my spirit down more than sitting around, doing nothing.
–
4th: Anything I want to say about it?
I WANT A SIMILAR CALENDAR!!!
I absolutely LOVE their calendar..
I really, honestly do!!!
It's so beautiful and very well organized.
I also want to say that, I am thankful for doing what felt like it was right and not going after the field training in college.
Because this is giving me an actual experience outside the virtual borders of college.
It is giving me the ability to know how things actually work in different places.
And I am happy for taking the field training as a summer course!
* * *
“Will power is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.”
People have always assumed that I’m straight A student.
And it always disappointed me; to feel like I’m not that.
Here’s a story about the student I was and the student I am:
* Was: (high-school)
The kind of student that never, ever, believed she could get a good grade in anything. And I mean anything.
I was the kind of student that is surrounded by the same group of friends that are always getting full marks on everything, since the ninth grade till I graduated from high-school.
All six of those friends used to get nothing less than a 97%, and I was the one that always got an 86% at the end of the year.
And I’m not saying that I’m proud of that, I actually used to cry because of how ashamed I used to feel. I used to really, really cry because of how much ‘less’ I am than them. It used to make me feel uncomfortable to be around them sometimes. (And.. I'm not saying that I was uncomfortable because of them, I was uncomfortable because of ME. They were, and still are, very good friends. They used to try and help me all the time, and they never judged me. I was judging myself enough.)
I was the kind of person that seriously never studies, because she’s afraid of studying.
Because she was taught, ever since she was a nine-year-old kid, that she is not smart and she can never be.
The kind of person that cannot believe in herself so much that, even when she studies, she thinks she’s not smart enough to get a good grade. And be rewarded with just that.
The kind of student that even when she tried getting it together to finish high school with a good CGPA, she couldn’t.
And it always made her think so much less of herself.
* Am: (college)
Since I stayed home for a year an a half, I forgot what it’s like to be a student; to study.
So, when I started college, I started fresh, I was a whole different person, and college was literally like a whole new world to me; a whole new experience.
At first, I studied day by day, participated in the class, and got good grades, simply because I wanted to.
But then there was this voice at the back of my mind talking to me without me even noticing. It’s telling me about how much I haven’t actually changed. And about how much I always will be the same incapable person, and no matter how much I tried, I will never get a good grade in anything (and not just in college). And that seeing a good grade by my name is just a dream that’ll never come true.
And that sound keeps talking and talking, slowly penetrating my mind.
And I listened to it through the first two years of college. I started re-believing in this idea. And I didn't even notice it.
But then, I didn’t get accepted in the major I wanted and it was literally like a strong, stinging slap to my face. Not because I didn't get accepted, but because I actually believed deep down that I wouldn't.
And, what I did was: I slapped my face right across the other cheek. Because I NEEDED TO STOP THIS!
At this point, I don’t even care about getting good grades. I honestly don’t. Because, at this point, getting a good grade or a good GPA is nothing but something to feed my ego.
But, you know what? You know what I really want, what really makes me want a good grade and a good GPA?
It's wanting to prove to the old me that I can.
It’s all I want. Just to prove to the Lulu that never believed in herself, that she was doing nothing but waste her time on negativity and self-pity.
She was wasting all her time listening to the wrong people, being with the wrong people, and she was wasting her time comparing herself to everyone around her.
I want to show her, show the voice in my head, that I can.
And even if I couldn't, it wouldn't be the end of the world.
And THAT is something that I want to teach myself, to be able to teach to my own children one day.
And even if my grades weren’t as high as people expect them to be, it is okay. Because I am a very smart, ambitious person. I don’t think I am, I know I am. And, whatever outcome I receive, I will know deep down, that it’s enough. And it doesn't define me as a person.
–
So, Dear 16-year-old Me,
I wish you could’ve noticed how smart you already were,
I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself the whole time.
I wish you didn’t have to be so worried all the time of people thinking so much less of you because you weren’t a straight A student.
I wish you could’ve known how special you would become when you grew older.
I wish you didn’t listen to the voices in your head all the time.
No one is going to love you, or hate you, because of how your grades are.
And, you didn’t have to wait for the people around you to love you, or hate you. People will judge you no matter what you do.
You should’ve been confident and carefree.
You should’ve been happy with who you are.
Because you turned out to be an amazing person. You turned out to be even better than you hoped you would be.
And you will get better and better with time.
Life isn’t about getting a 98 or 99% in school. It’s about being content with who you are. And being happy with yourself.
It’s about accomplishments and so much more.
You are more. And you will be even more than that in the future, in sha’a Allah.
Not too long ago I participated in a reading contest in college.
‘The College Reader of The Year’ contest.
I was hoping that I would be chosen to go to the next level, but at the same time I was terrified of them doing so. Yes. Honestly.
And I think I was terrified of being nominated to go to the next level for two main reasons, which are:
I have never participated in any kind of contest or competition before.
I don’t know what do after being selected and I was afraid of not meeting the judges’ expectations. (So, 'pressure' was the second reason.)
Guess what happened?
I got nominated for the second level!
Preparing the audition's presentation
Now, first of, I love presentations. I actually enjoy doing them from the beginning–(Extracting information)–to the end–(Standing up and presenting).
But for some reason I was honestly so nervous about standing and talking about the book I chose, which was ‘رقائق القرآن’ by the way, and get asked questions and be judged. Being judged, even if it was ‘for my own good’ is one of my worst pet peeves. Ever. And, quite frankly, I hate anything that I have to compete in order to get it. That’s why I have never been a part of a competition before, I guess.
So, what happened after I was nervous about it?
When the auditioning was an hour away, everything that had me worried or got me nervous just melted away. Somehow.
I stood up before them, talked my heart out, took twice as much time as I was supposed to–HAHA!–and just felt like I was just being me and I was just talking to someone about a book that I really loved.
And the ‘judges’ were a few amazing students and one of the college’s staff–which was especially nice and kind. So, I need to thank them for simply being as good people as they are.
After that, I left the building and they said they’d get back to us in a week or so with the names of the five nominees for the final stage of the contest.
Guess what happened?
I did NOT get nominated to go to the next level.
To be honest here, I really thought that I was going to get nominated and maybe even win the title.
Yeah, guess what happened to my good ol' ego?
It got crushed.
At first.
Because, when you think about it, it’s quite childish to think that if you did not win something then you are bad at it. Or if you did not get what you were rooting for, then you are no good.
The first thing I thought when I knew I wasn’t nominated was this: “Oh my God! I can’t believe I made a fool out of myself. I shouldn’t have even put my name in there with them!”
But, honestly? That’s just the way a shallow person would think. And I refuse to think that I am anywhere near that person.
Let me tell you what I love about this; after two or three days of announcing the nominees for the final stage, it was time to write a blogpost for my (Her-Happiness-Project) blog. And that day, the resolution that I was supposed to talk about, said EXACTLY what I realised and what I took as a lesson from my participation with that club.
Now, two days ago, Tuesday, 17th of March, there was this event in our college called ‘ألهِمني لِأَقرَأ’ which means ‘Inspire me to read’. that’s a quite nice name, isn’t it?
During the event
After the event
Anyhow, I got there–a bit late due to having a class at the same time–and watched three of the five nominees giving their speeches, and all three were really good ma sha’Allah!
There were a few more subjects and people talking, and all of them were very inspiring. One way or another.
At the end, one of the five nominees WON!
She was one of the three girls that I watched give their speech and she is the girl I voted for! So, in my opinion, for her, the first place and the title are well deserved.
–
After that event, Awrag club hosted a very famous Books’n’Cafe in our college, Bookccino, ALL THE WAY FROM RIYADH! (They are awesome. I've been seeing their feed in the social networking sites a long time ago. And they are really something to admire.)
They set this cute little tent right in front of the area where the event took place.
It was so crowded that I had to wait till they all left for their classes and I stayed and just viewed the books more carefully and fairly(For the books and for me..).
At the end, I left with three books (That I wasn’t really planning on buying. But never mind that.)
All are arabic:
1. شآبيب' - للكاتب: إبن عايض صالح'
2. القرآن لفجرٍ آخر' - للكاتب: الدكتور أحمد العُمَري'
3. من أي شيءٍ خُلِقَت؟' - للكاتبة: ميثاء المهيري'
–
Everything about that club and that event got me knowing things about my college–about colleges in general–that I didn't know before; They could actually be FUN. And you could actually enjoy it!
I am admiring all the students with those creative and generous ideas, I wish you all the best and I'm most looking forward to your next activities.
February 28th and March 1st of the year 2015 were the first days I ever took a calligraphy basics course.
Mr. Yousef Ibraheem, the instructor of the course, said that those two days were merely us being given a key to open a door to the world of the beautifully beautiful Arabic calligraphy.
And it is such a bliss for me to feel like I am finally beginning my journey in the sea of one of the most enchanting arts in the world.
And what makes it even so much more special, is that the calligraphy I am learning is the ARABIC calligraphy.
It's like painting a canvas, or composing the notes of a musical master piece.. It may slightly be more aesthetic!
At the first day, Saturday, February 28th, we learned the most basic and 'formal' type of the Arabic calligraphy, which was: ‘خط النسخ’.
It is exactly as I described it; very basic and formal.
The easiest one to read. Yet, not as easy to write.
It has specific rules and felt very strict; for the way you should hold your pen while writing could change the whole letter that you are writing.
We used the 3.0 mm pen, it was neither too thin nor too thick, which made it the perfect measure to write with for the first time.
Mr. Yousef gave us a homework that day; we had to write the following sentence in a paper that he gave us:
"حَبيبي يَا رَسُولُ الله"
He said that he chose this one for two main reasons:
1. So we could learn how to write the letters that we learned to write separately, put together.
2. To write it with a good conscious, for the respect for Allah's name.
Working on that homework was absolutely joyful!
The day after, Sunday, March the 1st, we learned the basics of a different type of the Arabic calligraphy: ‘الخط الديواني’
'Addewany', in my opinion, is the exact opposite of the 'Naskh'.
All the edges were soft and everything about this one felt elegant and sweet for the eyes to read.
It is much easier than the one before, which makes it more fun. But there still is a little bit of difficulty to writing it—and reading it. (Needing to get that specific soft turn of the pen and getting the right measure and size of the letter itself..)
At the end of that day, he amazingly wrote us: بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم - "In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful"
(All the photos above are the hand-writing of Mr. Yousef.)
* * *
I've wanted to take a calligraphy course—an Arabic calligraphy course—since forever.
And I honestly have never thought that I actually could.
My mom is an artist. And there's this atelier that she goes to that hosts a number of sketching/drawing courses regularly.
She told me last week, that their atelier will be hosting a calligraphy course. I cannot even begin to tell you how happy that made me!
Going to that course proved me wrong. It proved to me that I can. And it's not really that big of deal for me to think that I cannot do it. And it gave me the opportunity to actually believe that I can.
Thank you, mom, for giving me the opportunity to attend that course.
And thank you, Mr. Yousef, for giving that artistic course!
I am most excited to have opened the wrapping of this gift. And I am very much looking forward to start the journey of exploring the abilities of my hand holding a pen.
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